Stories

Notes to my Grandchildren

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." ~ Frederick Douglass

Dear JL, ES, SGM, and future Neels,

Spend a little time with me. Give me a little credit for living a full and happy life and pay attention.

I have some pointers I'd like to share with you which may be contrary to what you hear at school, from trusted friends, on the internet, at the movies, on TV, and even at home.

Many of these points are unpopular, hard to follow, and even harder to live by, but they are Truth.

Have High Personal Standards

• Being a good person is better than being a popular person.

• Do the hard right thing, rather than the easy wrong.  My Litmus Test: Would Mom Approve?

• Never lie, cheat, or steal.  That's a hard rule to follow.  It may put you at a temporary disadvantage but the honorable person will win in the long run.

• Being Smart is OK.  Be a Scientist.  Get into Science, Engineering, Math, Computers, and Art.

• You don't have to be perfect.  Look around.  Try to spot perfect people.  They don't exist or maybe we are all perfect.

• Real men never, ever hurt women. 

• Be respectful and demand it from others.

Education

• Education is the key to good decisions, success, and happiness.  Make great grades, read books, and attend a good college. 

• Be Informed.  Be a life-long learner.

• Be True to Your School.  Go to your school's sporting events and cheer on the home team.

• Play a sport.  Find one you love and stick with it.  You'll get better.  You don't have to be varsity; there are intramural teams.  Just play for enjoyment.  If you'd like to try clay-target sports, contact your grandfather.

• Join the Choir and Sing.  Learn to play an instrument.  Making Music is one of the most enjoyable things in life.

• Join a Club.  Learn to play Chess or something.

Friendship

• The Lone Wolf is Weak; The Pack is Strong.  Find people like you, be a good friend to them, band together, and stand up for each other.  Never travel alone.

• Befriend the friendless and stand up for the little guy.

• Get to know the Jocks; they are not bad people.  An easy way to do that is to pick out a player and watch them in the next game.  Compliment them on Monday with something like, "GREAT GAME Friday, you had some great tackles."  You'd be surprised how few compliments linemen, pole-vaulters, volleyballers, and third basemen get.

• Be wary of people until they prove that you can trust them. Many cannot be.

Self Protection

• Stand up for yourself.

• Usually, you need only confront a bully.

• Be prepared to defend yourself.  Train.

• Walk away if you can.

• In a fight, there are no rules.  There is no such thing as a fair fight.  Never start a fight, but once started, win.

• Knees and Elbows are better than feet and fists.  A knee to the balls or an elbow to the nose, chin, or throat will usually stop a fight.

• Sometimes, you lose. Dust yourself off, learn, and move on.

• Don't be easily offended.  Don't carry a chip on your shoulder.  Be sensitive to other people, their beliefs, and their culture.

• Be aware of your surroundings, ALWAYS.  Before you leave the relative safety of your house, your car, your work, or a business, have a look around first.  Don't walk into a bad situation, blindly. 

• Realize that you are not always safe.  Have a Plan.

• Keep your head in the game and out of your Cell Phone. 

• Never wear Headphones outside. Your hearing is one of your most important defensive mechanisms.

• Report Bullying and Harassment: be specific, keep notes, and record names, times, and places.  If you see something, say something.  Never be afraid to tell an adult. Bullies require the silence of good kids to operate. They do not deserve your silence.

Social Interaction

• Protect your reputation!  Once it is gone, you can never get it back.  What you put on social media is there forever.  Making and/or sharing compromising photos of yourself is never a good idea.  Photos rarely tell the whole story and are ALWAYS subject to the worst interpretation.  Embarrassing or private photos always turn up at the worst time.

• Most of what you see on TV, the internet, and social media is filtered Bull Shit. 

• Never trust politicians.   Watch out for most of your professors as well.   Everyone has an agenda

• Your protection is being well-read and well-educated.

• Always ask the hard questions and form informed beliefs.

• Never follow the crowd. 

• Be willing to change your opinion when faced with compelling information to the contrary.

• Don't drink until you are 21.  Even most 21-year-old people are not emotionally equipped to handle alcohol. 

• Yes, you can still have fun without alcohol.  While I was at VMI, and this is true at every college, every time something bad happened, it involved alcohol, be that a fight, assault, sexual assault, or suicide.

• Be the person who watches out for others when they are drinking.  Be the designated driver. 

• Never get in a car with a drunk driver or a person who has had even one drink.

• Don't Smoke.  How could setting something on fire and breathing the fumes into your lungs make any sense at all?  How does that make you look Cool?  If you ever think about lighting up, do this first - Go to the nearest smoking outpost and open up the butt receptacle.  Have a good long look inside.  Now, lick it!  No?  Why not?  That nasty brown goo is what you're putting inside your body, lungs, and mouth.  Won't you look cool pulling that oxygen tank around later in life?

• Illegal Drugs are NOT OK . . . ever, no matter what Hollywood and your friends tell you.  Yes, marijuana can be a gateway drug.  Watch real Cop TV shows; that'll show you that you don't want to use drugs.  People who use drugs are the losers of society.  We have examples of this in our own family.  Just ask.

• You can't choose your sex.  No matter what you hear in school, on TV, in your music, or from any source, conception decides your sex.  Male or female.  That's it. 

• Don't be a flake and believe everything you hear.  Be a scientist.  Just because a belief is popular, doesn't mean it is not a LIE. 

• HOWEVER, you can be anyone you resolve to be. 

• Don't let anyone tell you how to live.

Firearms

• Guns by themselves are not a problem. Guns in the hands of evil, stupid, angry, disturbed, and careless people are the problem. 

• Thinking Guns can solve a personal problem is stupidity. Watch for tale-tale signs of someone in trouble who has access to guns or a strong interest in guns, and report it to your parents or a school administrator. In a hurry, call 911. We have had enough gun deaths in this family.

• If you choose to own guns, train yourself how to use them, take classes, practice, store them safely and properly, always treat them as if they are loaded, don't point a firearm at anything you don't intend to kill, keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to fire. Never brandish a weapon unless you are willing to use it. 

• Having to kill someone is infinitely more horrible than you can ever imagine.

• Always show respect to Police Officers. "Yes, Officer" and "No, Officer" go a long way to diffuse situations. People who get shot or taken down by police officers are almost always the ones at fault. 

• Right or wrong, ticket or no ticket, always thank your police officer for the tough job they do, every day.

Citizenship

• Serve your country and community.  There are many ways to do this but being in the Military gives you skill sets that you can get nowhere else. Military training will serve you well throughout life.  There is no higher or honorable calling.  Ask yourself, as I did, "If I am not willing to serve, on whom can I depend to protect my freedom?

• Study the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights.  Protect and Uphold it.  All of it.

• Find a vocation you love, in which you are proud, and that makes you happy. If you can make money at it, great, but money is not all-important. Money, however, does make life easier, but you can always live within your means.

• Pay yourself first. Save for that Rainy Day. Budget. If you have disposable income, invest in secure saving plans first, then diversify.

• The people who make the most wealth are those who take risks . . . mitigated risks. Be smart with your money.

Love and Marriage

• Wait until you are out of High School to have Sex.  Preferably, wait until you meet the person you want to marry.  Sex can be fun and beautiful, but it can also be gut-wrenching and emotionally traumatic.

• Don't go steady.  Date a lot of people.  The goal of dating is to find out what type of person you want to marry.  Don't let your friends dictate who you date.

• Love is rare and mysterious.  I believe it finds you.  Once you have it, and you will, you will know.  You will know only a few true loves in your life.  Cherish love, work at it, protect it, and fight to keep it.

• Don't get married until after you turn 24.  You will be an entirely different person by then.  Don't be in a hurry; see the Big World first.  If at 18 you think you have found the person for you, they will still be perfect when you are 25.

Life

• Build a good life of Family, Love, and Fun.

• Add value to your life with hobbies and interests.  Concentrate on a few.

• Find your spiritual side.  Find something to believe in that is larger than yourself.

• Take photos all your life, everyone you know, every place you visit.  You will be glad you did.

• Keep a Journal. 

• Learn to write well. 

• Tell your stories; write true and hard.  Write as if to your best friend.

• Diet and Fitness are the keys to good health.  Both take work.

• Challenge yourself.  Believe in yourself!  You can always do more, be more than you think you can.

• Above all else, remember that you are a Neel.