Stories

 The Sheep Swatter

When the Army posted me to the British Parachute Regiment, the regiment assigned me to 538 Platoon, The Depot, while I awaited 1 Para's return from Northern Ireland. Depot Para is like American Basic Training. I met "my corporals," Pitcher, Fuller, and Edwards there.

Like their American drill sergeant counterparts, you never forget your Corporals. I know I will never forget mine.

I used my time in the Depot to learn about British Soldiering before joining 1 Para. My Corporals made sure I was straight, treating me, sometimes as their friend, their sergeant, a visiting dignitary, or as a private. The Brits taught me about their tactics, weapons, fitness, language, drinking, and British Humor.

Once, while 538 Platoon was training in Sennybridge Wales, my Corporals "asked" me to take a detail of soldiers to shoo the ever-present sheep off of the range while they concerned themselves with the more important job of "getting a brew on." For this job, they supplied me with a number of the Toms (trainees) and some "sheep swatters."

Maybe you have never seen sheep swatters. I never had, so I should describe them to you. Sheep swatters are long poles with a large square of rubber on one end, which look very much like a gigantic fly swatter.

Taking the mission in hand, I took my work party downrange and began swatting sheep with gusto until I caught sight of my Corporals, SGT Bunkel and LT Boyns, having a good laugh at the goofy Yank.

They all, of course, had to tell me how silly I looked using that fine piece of British ingenuity, the "Fire Swatter," to chase the sheep away. Though the brunt of their joke, my pride and self-confidence shattered, I had to laugh with them. Besides, swatting sheep was a blast.